I'm a little unwell, but I think I'll be okay
Today I went through some high highs and low lows, struggled with big big feelings and feeling small small.
It's probably shark week looming on the horizon, but I can't help but answer the call of the sirens in my mind...
What am I doing?
Where am I going with... this? gestures at everything
But!
As much as I've been feeling a bit of shame for procrastivitying in the past few days, I did manage to do a few things I've been meaning to do as a streamer (e.g. update emotes, channel redeems, and chat commands) and life in general (e.g. made sure I do the necessary things like paying my bills on time, feeding/hydrating myself, and starting to get more physically active).
They're pretty meh in the grand scheme of things for everyone else, but I gotta start somewhere, and at least I got some stuff done in my checklist!
I need to keep reminding myself that just because no one sees/appreciates what I do/make, doesn't mean my efforts and achievements are insignificant or useless. I'm proud of myself for figuring things out on my own (sometimes with the help of others, but often through trial-and-error), and maybe I will make guides to share what I've learnt one day (if I can find time between my million and one hobbies...).
What I am definitely starting to work on now though is embracing the fact that feeling out of place and wondering what I'm doing wrong, wanting things or people I can't have, and having negative thoughts about myself/other people are just parts of the human condition that most people experience. In some ways, this makes me feel less... alone?
I have a long way to go in my journey to self-forgiveness and self-compassion, but while I'm on this path I'm going to try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt and have more faith that there are people who want the best for me.
It is what it is and I am what I am, and while things may not be perfect, I think I will be okay in the end.