no one (but myself to blame)
my housemate left her cooking unattended again, but this time the smoke was the worst she's caused. it was an accident (she got distracted by a phonecall), but the damage is done. the smoke crept into my room which is next to the kitchen.
cough
as per my friend cpt's advice, i left the house. i decided to go to the gym. watched some beastars while i was on the threadmill to get my mind off of things. it kinda helped tbh.
i thought the smoke would've cleared up by the time i got home 2 hours later, but i was wrong. when i entered the room, the smoky smell is better thanks to the air purifier inside going full blast (it automatically goes into this setting when the air quality is bad). however, judging by my chest pain and my itchy skin right now, i have a feeling this is going to be a long, painful night of wheezing.
i just KNOW that i'm going to feel terrible tomorrow.
cough
on another note; funny how even when i'm sick and scared, i don't even think of contacting my family members. at the end of the day, i really have no one.
it's my fault, of course, for not reaching out to ask for help and for technically being a shut-in. but how can anyone help for something that is chronic and recurring? something that i can't prevent and can be triggered at random?
every day it feels like my physical health plays russian roulette with the universe.
i am not exaggerating when i say i'm sick of it.
cough
just this afternoon i thought about how if i suddenly disappeared from the face of this earth, only one person aside from my sister would be sad. but now that i think about it, that's kind of presumptuous of me.
i'm so full of myself lol. i know nobody would be affected if i'm gone.
and yet... i keep on going. i don't know why.
my vessel is allergic to life, yet i keep on living. at the end of the day i'm nothing but a fool.
cough
i guess i'll just continue with beastars now.