the egg - thoughts
A friend recently introduced me to the short story 'The Egg', written by Andy Weird. Published on a personal website in 2009, it's essentially about a nameless middle-aged man who faces the realities/meaning of life after he dies unexpectedly.
My friend said even though he's not religious, he likes the ideology of faith/spirituality portrayed in The Egg.
Personally, I like it because [SPOILER WARNING!] it meshes reincarnation with pantheism. I am intrigued by both concepts, but especially the idea of reincarnation.
I wasn't raised in a family/social environment that believes it as part of life/death, but legends and stories (often east-asian) using it as a plot device has always fascinated me. I'm just spiritually drawn to them for some reason.
Somehow, I feel like many dreams and deja vu (which I experience rather often, especially when I was younger) are glimpses of our other lives. I've 'experienced' many moments that I know I have never faced in this life, but they felt so familiar to me -- eerily so. Were they memories of the past? Are they foreshadowings of a future life of mine? Who knows.
The thought of souls continually existing in this or a different planet, galaxy, timeline, realm, or dimension makes sense to me somehow. Maybe this is why I quite like isekai as a genre --- because the possibilities of the human experience is endless if life is continuous. I believe that we are all multi-faceted beings and that we all have the capacity to change, but if we do in fact get reincarnated when we pass, do we really change under different circumstances? I wonder.
It's hard to unlearn all the things that organised religion forced me to swallow growing up, though. I was taught that souls are forever attached to the deeds of the single-life of an earth human vessel, and each one will be held accountable on judgment day at the end of days. That with the release of our final breath, our soul remains tethered to one specific being.
I'm no longer as naive about religious practice as I was before. I know that unquestioningly accepting the belief that we cannot escape our fate resulting from our life choices would allow people to be controlled through fear. But to me, the idea of being reincarnated again and again and again in an infinite possibilities of forms whether you like it or not is pretty unnerving in its own way too. In the case of The Egg more specifically, it concerns me that no matter what we do/say, everything and everyone leads to oneness. In all instances, we are just pawns. Regardless of how many rounds a soul can get to win at life, we are all still trapped on the chessboard.
Many people are surprised when I tell them I'm an introvert because of how friendly I can be, but the topics I like to think about (e.g. that relate to life and death and everything in between and beyond) are not exactly suitable for small talk (which I'm terrible at). I wish I could hear their thoughts on things that are out of this world and larger than life (ours, at least). At the end of the day, does it really matter whether we die for good or live forever in some way or form? If yes, why? If no, why not?
As an optimistic nihilist, I write/think all this because I want to lead a life with meaning. My life has been colorful for the most part, and I like it that way. A meh beginning or ending doesn't mean the plot should be dull and uneventful.
So, dear reader, could you please let me pick your brain, so I can expand the universe in my mind?